Recently, a girlfriend of mine let me borrow some inspiring books. Didn't know quite what to expect as I am not super close to her or aware of her preferred reading material. To be honest, I only took the books to be polite. Ha! God had a totally different purpose than being gracious to a new friend. The books tapped into the inner struggles that I have not been able to put words to, and offered hope in areas that I had gradually dismissed. It was my own awakening, something that I have been eagerly desiring.
The stirrings within my soul have needed time to marinate, and quite truthfully, I am really bad at meditating. I get distracted by the fact that my body isn't doing anything, which could be a direct result of being a momma of 3 young kids under the age of 5. If I want to have deep thoughts about anything, my body needs to be busy. Usually laundry, dishes, walking, cleaning, etc. Its when I am avoiding my "chores" that I know I am actually avoiding the time needed to commune with God. All that to say, the last couple of days or miles, have provided some great time to really allow there to be active transformation in my life.
This morning, as I ventured out of the house like a crazy woman on a mission, my thoughts went directly towards what I was doing intentionally to live authentically as God has created me. (This always brings up my insecurities, and I typically will look for any excuse not to dive into it.) The inspired thought of making every aspect of life purposeful and not just a "never ending to-do list" caused me to dream a bit. What if my morning walks were not just a selfish act of getting my post-pardom body down a few sizes? What if I intentionally prayed for the homes I pass by? What if I prayed for the people I passed by?
Of course, this is when the lies come in. Right when you are on the edge of breaking through to something bigger that God wants you to be a part of, the distraction sets in... "I could never measure the effectiveness of praying for people." "Prayer walks could never be credited with the changing of a city." "People would think I was mentally ill if they heard me and think I was an unfit mother." I dismissed ALL of it with a "well, maybe." I should have known better.
About 10 minutes later, I pass someone who looks familiar. I call out her name in a questioning manner, as I have not seen this person in over 6 years. Thankfully, the identification of the individual was correct, as I was worried I might have become overly dehydrated. She didn't want to hug me or get too close to the kids as she had a cold. Normally, this is when my "momma bear" comes out, and I will protect my babies at all costs, including the price other's feelings. Instead, that part of me stayed in hibernation, because this was the moment. The exact time and place to see what God was speaking to me about in the supernatural realm manifest itself in the physical. I did lay hands on her, pray for her healing and prophetically for an area that she did not share with me till I was done praying for her.
It would have been normal to pass by and not say hello. Acknowledging her and quickly dismissing myself for our play date and her sickness would have been acceptable. But its supernatural to put your own priorities and comfort aside to dream with God and then act upon the opportunities He brings. Lies are sneaky; they are often times disguised as nobel concerns, insecurities, or phantoms of our own brokenness, causing a type of spiritual paralysis. Lies seep in to erode truth; to render us helpless at the moment God wants us to rise to the occasion.
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