Tonight we had Third Place, which is a monthly expression of our youth ministry at PDX4. With both Stephen and my involvement, the girls are in tow. Its not a big deal, really, we don't mind. But when we got home tonight, Stephen was gently kissing Rachel's forehead and earnestly said, "I hope you don't grow up hating church." It killed me. The idea that I could be the one to push my kids away from learning about God and experiencing community.
We have talked about getting babysitters, but if the focus is youth ministry, its not really appropriate (or at least productive) to have our usual list aid us. We don't want our girls growing up bitter because of the amount of time they spend at church, we also don't want them acting like they own the place either! What to do! Its not like there are books on how to perfectly balance ministry and home life... if there were "pastor's kids" would not be a cliche.
Even now, my kids act a little needy on Mondays. They are soooo out of wack after church on Sundays. Abby needs extra cuddle time and Rachel... well, she won't let me put her down! To be quite truthful, it can be really exhausting and kinda overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I know that they are still babies, and they still need their momma... often. But, I do wonder about when they will adjust, or are they even supposed to?
Honestly, its probably really healthy that I am concerned about this. By engaging my mind in the ramifications, I am constantly making proactive choices. (Which is a miracle, because most of my parenting is reactive. I am still very new at this...) It is also very humbling to openly admit that I don't have the faintest idea as to what is best for my own children. No mother wants to say that she hasn't a clue as to what her child needs from her.
Anyways, its not like its going to be resolved anytime soon. There are still many years to come, and I am still growing up myself (another thing no mom wants to admit). But my mind is swirling and I can't think about much else right now...
Hate church? No way. I don't think the girls are in danger of that.
ReplyDeleteWhy, some of my fondest memories, from as far back as I can remember, are from playing around at church, exploring the campus, using the office equipment and such. My parents have always had some sort of volunteer "job" at our churches. When my parents became pastor's when I was in my late teens, I even joined the PK club!
I'll never look back on being at church because of them in a negative way.
Your girlies are just young and still in their needy stage of life. Just wait until they have another year or two, and they will be asking to go play at church all the time. Just like my kiddos do!