Sleep...

Its a curious thing. The imbalances  in our children often reflect the inconsistencies of our own lives as parents. The most recent of these being my children's sleep patterns, their very unusual sleep patterns.

The normal things set their schedules off. Things  you would expect, different routines, visitors, and sugar. Lately, they have been shifting things around. Which is semi-normal for children of 5 and 20 months to do. However, with that being said, its the way they go to sleep and the quality that has shifted greatly.

Abigail, who is 20 months, has never had any trouble sleeping, now seems to never sleep when she should. And of course, this results in her wanting to sleep when she shouldn't. For example, asking to take a nap only 90 minutes from waking up is not normal. And its not like I am making her wake up super early, I will let her sleep in as late as 9 if need be.  When she is in her crib, I hear her playing at the most odd times. And trust me, there is nothing normal about playing at 11 p.m. and 4:30 a.m. 

Rachel, my sweet Rachel, is 5 months. Crazy shifting in her schedules is to be expected. However, lately, regardless of how tired she is, she fights it. With tears, screaming, and flailing body parts, she fights. She was sleeping through the night, and then, it stopped. Its like she figured out I wasn't going to work anymore and knew that if she cried enough, I would attend to her. Maybe she only caught on to this because we aren't taking naps together anymore. I will openly admit, when you can only get your sleep in small naps, the still nursing baby comes with you.

Truth be told, I am finally starting to get my own sleep life back on a normal schedule. This new season of being "unemployed" is providing sleep. Every night. Sleep is such a wonderful thing. I think that is why I am so puzzled to my children's resisting of it. But maybe their sleep patterns have been off for a while. It may be that I am only noticing inconsistencies because I am finally awake to see them. Its actually embarrassing to think about all the things I haven't noticed. And what's worse, is how long has this been going on for?

We all have moments when we feel like we have failed our children. That we have deprived them of something so fundamental to their development.  Even now, Abigail and I are at war. I have been trying to put her to sleep for over 30 minutes. Granted, she isn't at home, nor is she in a bed... but that has never been an issue before. Maybe once I finally catch up on my own sleep the girls will follow suit. Or maybe, this is just the beginning of many sleepless times our family will encounter.

May you find some rest, if not sleep.