When I was in my sophomore year of high school, I had gone to winter camp the weekend of my birthday. Camp Cedar Crest was covered in snow, it was really quite beautiful. My cousin, who is 6 months older than I, had brought his snowboard and was enjoying the various steep inclines of the property. I had asked for a turn, and he agreed. No big deal, right? Except that I was ignorant of the needs for proper snowboarding. So when he offer me the board, but no boots, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.
During free-time that afternoon, I had an ridiculous amount of fun. I even considered looking into this snowboarding thing when I got home. It was after several hours of dragging the board up and down the hills that I finally retired, so that I might thaw out before dinner and the evening session. As my legs returned to a normal temperature, I began to realize the true impact of "snowboarding" all day in a pair of mere running shoes. Needless to say, my ankle swelled, and was accompanied by horrific pain. I spent the rest of camp and my sweet 16th birthday on crutches. Pathetic, I know...
It was the safe, warm, and non-threatening environment of the cabin that allowed me to feel and recognize the pain I was in. It was only then that I was able to start making things better, and work towards the healing of my poor ankle. Granted, the injury was self induced. But I had allowed someone else to lead me to believe that snowboarding in sneakers was a great idea.
So why do I mention my horribly embarrassing "snowboarding" story? Well, last night I had a "safe, warm, and non-threatening environment" reveal that I still have a lot of pain. Stephen and I were sitting in Tim's office discussing the youth ministry. There should be nothing traumatic about that, but it was. I felt like I needed to guard myself, defend my reasonings, like I was under attack. But I wasn't. Not in the least bit. It just God using a meeting to reveal that there are some very broken places in my life. I have known that this area was sensitive, I'm not that oblivious. Honestly, I thought I was only suffering from a broken relationship, I didn't know that I had let it affect my relationships with other leaders as well.
On January 4, Pastor Dennis gave the message "Better & Better & Better- A "Better" Year" and he spoke on the better including our finances, attitudes and expectations. Part of the expectations included the healing of broken areas in our lives. I really didn't think that this part was going to apply to me. But the "safe, warm, and non-threatening environment" proved that I so desperately need healing. I have let it go for so long, years in fact. I have ignore the subtle hints of it in conversation. I have created countless excuses for my disconnected attitude. Better finances, better attitudes, and better expectations. I have got to keep reminding myself...
This year, in the few weeks of its existence, has already proven to be interesting. At the moment, I am unemployed and our family is going to be moving, again. Of all the areas that I would want Jesus to intervene for me, this was not the place I was expecting. But it is the right time. Hopefully, I won't be on crutches too long. My ankle only needed a couple of weeks, and not that I am one to rush healing. But this year is going to be better. I can't wait to see all that it has in store.
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